Pain

Pain sucks. I hate pain. Sure its got its uses, but on a daily basis I'd rather have something better, like new shoes or a good diseased goose liver. Of course goose liver for pain would get old too. My problem is that the pain is constant, but its not just the pain per se, but rather the effects of the pain that really blows.

As a C6/7 quad, I have a certain protection from direct pain given that I cannot feel a damned thing below my chest. But the effects of pain hit me all the harder. Spasms rip through my muscles, arcing my body into flailing shapes with no particular warning. Pain rages like chaos into my brain, shearing thought into a jumble of inarticulate blather and insane cravings for some respite. Pain makes me shake like a leaf in the wind, stealing my small and much horded ability to type even in my oh so slow one key at a time way. Ripping from me the only fun I have as a bed bound shut-in, my ability to reach out to others.

Yes, then too the medications for pain, medications that rob you of your sences, meds that leave you a breathing lump of otherwise zonked human flesh. Unable to think beyond the next pill, and the next, reactions to stimuli on nil.

And so I hope for a rainbow, and some greener grass on the other side.